Lucian And Darkki

You know you have something special when the raw power of your own emotions brings you to tears…

“Oh, the blues will be blue and the jealousies green
But when love picks its shade it demands to be seen.” - Garth Brooks, The Red Strokes

So, I saw the most perfect tail on Furbid however, my mate and I dun have the money for it. So…Donate? Pwease? We love you? It’s only about $20… Comment for where to send teh paypal to…

http://www.furbid.ws/cgi-bin/auction/item.pl?item=232346718 TAIL I NEED

A small farm out in the country,
A front yard full of kids,
and a backyard full of dogs.
That’s all I want.

So, the past two days my body has been killing me, today I just feel nauseous and sick. It blows. I’ve been reworking Skittle, my first fursuit and have the head half furred right now. He looked like a big poof of fur right now because the fur needs to be shaved and all. He looks so much better now: http://www.furaffinity.net/view/1480769/ See!

I WANNA GO BACK TO KANSAS!!!!

As you know, I came back yesterday from spending a week with my mate out in Kansas. It was…so perfect. It felt so right. Being able to greet him when he came home work, basically living with him. It felt perfect. When I got back to my room yesterday it felt like I had been away for months, not just a week. My mom’s little comment pissed me off, “You got to play house for a little bit but you are going to college.” If only I could scream at them that I don’t want to go to college what I want to do doesn’t need college. Oh well, when I turn 18 and graduate I’m gonna get married and run away. That simple, if I’m not carrying my mate’s child. If I am well… Things will get interesting. Anyway, it was nothing but pure joy with my mate despite a few issues such at the place we stay fucking up. Darkki booked online but there was apparently a glitch that let people book when they were full until September! However, they squeezed us in the next day and the Motel 6 we stayed at that night wasn’t as bad as Darkki seems to think it was. We went to the zoo and I got this cute little little wolfy plushie who I have named Roady who will now come everywhere with me. It was just so wonderful being with him and now, having to be apart again is hard… I really hope we can go to FurFright or he can atleast fly out to stay a weekend before Decemeber. I don’t want to go that long without seeing him. It’s hard enough just seperating…

As for the almost dieing thing… We went swimming with a friend of his and a couple of her friends on Sunday in a river/creek. Well there was a ledge/cliff that I say was about a 20-30ft drop into the water which you could jump from. Well, right under the ledge were rocks about a foot or two under the water that you would hit if you didn’t jump far enough. Darkki thought right when he thought if anyone was gonna fuck up it would be me. Also, lemme plug in one of the girls we were with broke her tailbone here and another crushed three vertebre a few months or so earlier. So, I go to jump and when I went to push off, my foot slid in the mud and I fell head first into the water. I blacked out until I hit the water, falling right where the rocks were. I came out, scared shitless, but alright except for some killer neck, shoulder and back pain but that is it. I am lucky as hell I didn’t break anything or die. We left after that even though, idiot me, wanted to jump from another place.

But yea, there were a few bumps in the week but nothing big enough to ruin my fun. There will always be bumps in a relationship and I will not say Darkki and I are immune to them. I wish I could just give everything up right now and go back with him… I’d give EVERYTHING to be with him now… I wish our forever would start today and not in a year…

I’ll write up tomorrow about my stay in Kansas. Right now I just wanna post something that happened on the flight into Phili.

I was listening to Question by the Old 97’s while waiting in line to pee with the lady who was sitting next to me. She turns and asks me if my mate and I have plans for marriage. Heh, I just found it ironic that she asked when that song was playing….

Lucian is gone, she flew out this afternoon, after a hole bunch of garbage that didn’t need to happen.  I’m so glad I got to have lunch with her, though I wouldn’t have personally chosen Hooters.  I really wasn’t the best mate while she was out here.  She deserved better than what I gave her and I feel crappy about the way I let things kinda just flop around and didn’t really grab hold of it and make sure my mate enjoyed herself.  Since she was visiting my area of the world, I really can’t blame anyone but myself for any disappointments she experienced.  Well, maybe a little blame on  my misserable occupational choices.  I hate it when she leaves, everything feels so empty.  I miss her so terribly, and I’m sure it’s the same for her.  I feel bad that I don’t cry infront of her, but I don’t know if I’m just a dick, or it’s part of that male thing.  I feel like I’m supposed to be strong and solid for her and as soon as I made it back to the car after she got on the plane I bawled.  Then I got back to the room we stayed in, and bawled some more.  Then I packed all the stuff, and looked at the empty room, and bawled.   Then I picked up my wet clothes she so nicely placed in plastic bags, and bawled some more.  She’s such a wonderful mate and I am so lucky to have her.  Next time we are together I hope I don’t waste a single moment being a lametard.  I mean, I could have filled all that time with unconditional loves and snuggling.   I really did enjoy her time out here.  My heart still hasn’t recovered from the thought of not having her in my life at all anymore, so the leaving on a plane was a double blow.  I’ll let her explain about her ALMOST DYING when she gets a chance.  Scared the everything outa me.  She’s still in the air.  So here is to her making it home safe.  Everything has been pretty shitty for me lately, sans the mate, all of the mate was wonderful.  I’m talking work wize and stuff.  I’ll talk more later.  Right now, I’m gonna go miss my mate and dream about ways to show how much I love her.

Alright, I got time to finally post about the con.

Holy shit, that was the most fun I’ve had in FOREVER! Everyone enjoyed my suits, Skittle and Morrow (aka Spare Ribs) seemed to get the most attention which surprised me. I consider Skittle to be…no offense to him since he was my first, a piece of poo. I’m waiting for video of me giving my mate a lapdance in him on Friday to pop up somewhere. Haha. Anyway… I love furcons. I’ve always loved the fandom but now, after going to a con for the first time I love it even more. The furry fandom is a giant family and this con only strengthened this image of the fandom in my mind. I met so many wonderful and new people and had a great time doing it. The rape couch was a blast and there was never a dull moment for me. There was always something to do even if it was just bouncing around and doing silly things in and out of suit (like running around basically half naked). I’d do a call out list of everyone I met but it would not only be HUGE but I’d be scared I’d miss someone! Meep! Fursuiting at a furcon was a wonderful experience and I got the attention I felt my suits deserved where at Otakon they were basically over looked for being original costumes and not a cosplay of some big anima character. Even Hide was over looked at Ota despite being based off an extremely famous late Jrocker.

Fuck guys… I love you all. I mean it too. The fandom means so much to me and that affection has only grown now. I wish my whole life could be a furcon.  I know where ever I end up living I would love to host a weekly meet-up at my house or apartment or whatever. I love you guys. I really do. I have never had so much fun nor have I felt such a feeling of belonging. I could be open, I could be myself. I could do almost whatever I wanted basically.

Anyway, FA:U was a fuckin’ BLAST! Darkki had fun too, though I can’t tell you exactly how he felt, he needs to do that himself. But here are the pics we took: http://s15.photobucket.com/albums/a355/WTD13/FAU%202008/

I decided about 2 days before con I wanted to do a skit for FAU. However, the day the skit was supposed to be done my friend dropped outta doing it with me. However, SkippyFox found someone to do it with me. Thank you Majeep for doing this on such a short notice! You did GREAT for having only seen the original once! Thank you again! Could not have done this without you.

This entire thing was done on the fly basically. I had an idea of the actions I wanted to do corresponding with each thing but it was basically entirely off the top of my head. I think I did well, what do you guys think?