So, I’m back… Lucian already gave you the play by play I guess. I’ve got my computers back up and my internet back on… and the refresh rate on this monitor is too high… my eyes… keep following the… little line……. anyhow. Everything seems to be getting off to a good start. Spent the weekend with Lucian, which was amazing, as always. I think we spent to much timing doing dirty things… but if she doesn’t want to complain, I’m okay with it. I do wish we had just snuggled more, but there aren’t many good romantic snuggle spots that I know off around here. I mean, not that we need special snuggle spots. I could snuggle a Lucian, anywhere, anytime, for any reason. They are snuggly soft. Like that little blue bear from the commercials, cept a Lucian can’t do laundry. I’ve had bad luck with my electronics stuff. My UPS was dead after being stored so long, my computer case has a huge crack, and the brand new monitor I bought… got dropped in the parking lot. I didn’t even realize how expensive this stuff would be either. I’ve spent about a grand getting settled back in. Hopefully I won’t be spending to much more for a while.
Last night I got back from visiting Darkki. The weekend was like one, amazing yet lucid dream cut short way too early. “3 weeks hun, 3 weeks” he kept telling me as I was about the board the plane. 3 weeks too long. I am sick of this back and fourth, sick of the wait in between our visits. Its these waits, these reunions ripped too short that take their greatest toll on me. As we sat waiting for my plane he called me his “crazy wifey”. Being called his wife felt so perfect… Yet, I have to wait. Wait a long time before we can finally really be together. Live our lives together. It’s not just a year, if I go to college that’s another wait. I want to be with him now. People call me foolish, blind and stupid because of my age. But we know and that is all that matters… I never care what other people think or say of me, never will. Their opinions do not matter to me.
I don’t want to wait for my dream. I know what when he comes in 3 weeks, the time he spends with me will not be enough. It will still seem to short and I know my dream will not come true in that month. I can still somehow hope though…
I really is addicting! Darkki ordered me a ZuZu Delf FRISE - the paitisser for my birthday and well, sometime next week I am going my friend’s to buy a Souldoll SoulKid Tiffee boy off him.
:B Such addicting cuties!
Guess who is finally home! Well, kinda. He is in Maine at the moment I am typing this but he is finally back in the states. I am so happy…
Friday can’t come soon enough.
(Can you tell I’ve been thinking too much?)
People whine about video games desensitizating our children yet, it is doing something else. Kids are growing up with a false pretense of war. Kids grow up thinking that war, death, etc. just means you go have fun and if something happens you just materialize at a checkpoint and keep going. Now, when people get older they know this is not true yet, they still, in someway hope. This war now, is not being fought by men, it is being fought by boys. By kids. Most people over there are around 18-25. People who have yet to truly experience life. People lured into the army with false hopes and pretenses. Going over there with this false sense of death, many soldiers are coming home with Shell Shock or the politically correct term, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (or Syndrome). This is scarring them for the rest of their lives, never letting them live their lives to the fullest. The true desensitization of our people is when they see their friends being blow to bits, shot or killed brutally before their eyes. The realities of death hit them like a brick, opening their eyes and closing them at the same time. The realize how horrid the world is, and lose hope, lose faith. They close their eyes and shut it out, never recovering from it. They in turn make death something to joke about, as if it is something normal and everyday to see your friends being destroyed by weapons that should never exist.
Meh…I need to stop thinking.
My step dad thinks I am an idiot for being ‘uninformed’ because I cannot watch the news, read the newspaper, read magazines, etc. without having a breakdown at the mere mention of the war or other things. Yet, it is not just the war that bothers me. I do not do those things because I still have some small hope for the world, and those things only make it slowly disappear, chewing it little by little. I want to keep this hope because when I sleep I see a beautiful world. Yet, when I wake up I see a different picture.
I see a child, walking down a road. His surroundings are filled with buildings, crumbled and empty shells as if a nuclear bomb went off somewhere near by. This child is dirty, covered in rags and walking with a slight limp. Over his shoulder is slung a stick. When he turns you notice his arm is missing and half his face is burnt and destroyed. He continues on his way, entering a rundown shack through a torn cloth to a small, dusty house. His mom is just as dirty, working at the stove while a child coughs and sputters in a nearby room. Â The rest of the world is like this. Destruction, death, hopelessness. This is the world I see with current events. Family against family, child against child, living in fear of tomorrow.
I don’t know why but for some reason, everyone loves Romeo the most! I guess it must be the fact he is the calmest out of the bunch and is perfectly content just sitting in people’s arms. Or maybe when most people think rat they think of the albino lab rats, like Romeo is (minus the lab part). All I know is that I named him appropriately now because everyone loooves him. Romeo himself is quite the lover boy too.
I also pondered the fact if it was because he is gay. He is ALWAYS humping MoMo and has NO interest when Jui goes in heat. Faggy rat. Everyone loves a gay guy (or rat!).
Ok, my mom is getting on my case about me flying out to go see Darkki. Yet, I went to Cape with him for a week and a half WITH JUST HIM. She is worried about a WEEKEND.
“Don’t get pregnant” “You are coming back, right?” “You’re not getting married down there, are you?”
Ya see why I tell them NOTHING?!
You know you wanna clicky clicky the linkage!
Pweaaase?
This is turning out to be a shitty birthday. I might not be going out or anything, dunno yet. I know I am not going to Nocturne because I just do not feel like it, at all.