Lucian And Darkki

It’s things like this that make me love PostSecret.

Current Mood: Sad

Today has been one of those days. It’s been the worst day I’ve had in awhile when it comes to my depression. I woke up and just wanted to cry. I felt empty, dead inside. I didn’t feel myself. Talking to Darkki helped and then at work, I just went downhill again. I had a group of military guys come through my line. All I wanted to do was scream and cry at them. Tell them how much I hated them for being in the states and not being over there. I do no agree with this war but I hated them for not fighting it. Why? I was jealous they were home while my mate wasn’t. They should be over there, not him. I have not hit a low like this for a long time. I really need to get to building my fursuit so I have something to try and keep my mind off these last 4 months. It shouldn’t be getting harder but it seems like it is. As Darkki says, I need snuggles, bad. I won’t get them for another 4 months though…

Current Mood: Bored

Just to show you all how I never throw things out and never clean. I just found while cleaning my room (a very very VERY rare occurrence) a receipt. Not just any receipt but a receipt from 01/17/05. Yea, nearly TWO years ago. It was when I bought Ju On which is the Japanese and the original version of The Grudge. Yea….

I am throwing it out now but, just thought I’d let you in on my pack rat tendencies. I am a HUGE pack rat. To the point I keep ANYTHING and EVERYTHING, especially boxes. I love to keep boxes…

I have enough money to build my zombie werewolf. I got clothes…video games….Orange Box (THE CAKE IS A LIE). Omg. Portal is soooo trippy. It rules.

Anyway, Addy and I were talking last night and I have come a long way. My depression attacks are far apart and now, instead of having to sit and wait them out, I can actually be talked out of them. I am getting adjusted to actually having someone love me and not use and toss me. I mean, it’s wonderful. I am adjusting to the fact not EVERYTHING is my fault. I have come a looooong way and it is all because of one, amazing person, Darkki. I owe him so much.

Happy Holidays!

<3 L

So I spent my X-mas in Iraq.  Got a few gifts from people, which made me feel like an ass since I didn’t get anyone anything.  I told them in advanced that I wasn’t going to get them anything so they should have been prepared, and I guess that relieves any responsibility, but I still feel kinda bad.  Anyhow I got somethings that were rather interesting things.  A little ironic after the discussion that me and Lucian had this morning, someone gave me a poster of, “The Kiss”, the one with the two kissing chicks.  Someone else gave me a shirt that says, “Practice safe sex, go fuck yourself” and I got a book that… a rather odd book.  It’s umm… well I can’t really explain it.  You turn the pages and stick your penis through the hole… umm penis pokey… it’s called, “Your a Star”… don’t even ask…  I also got a specially annoying gift from Sgt. Payne.  Aside from this morning, Lucian had to restore her computer over last night.  I’m really glad she gave in, cause I don’t like it when she gets all frustrated.  She gets craaaaaaazy and scaaaaaaary.  Of course, I love her either way, even if she can be an angry, scary, evil, man-eating, beast of doom.  Well I’m out for now.

–==P34C3 0U7==–

Current Mood: Esctatic

Well, we’ve been together a whole year. While it has not been easy it has been worth everything. It seems so much longer and so much shorter at the same time. I cannot imagine my life without Darkki anymore. He has become so important to me. He is my everything, my One and Only. I have found the one I want to spend my entire life with and he has been by my side for 6 years before I even realized what I had beside me. He is my lover and my best friend. There will be more years to come, lifetimes to come, I am sure of this. I have found my One, the One I am going to spend this life and the lives after it with. I have found the most amazing person in the world, someone who I will follow to the ends of the earth. Someone I will do anything for, someone who I would give everything for. I love you Darkki.

It’s been almost a year since we’ve been together. Today, the 22nd of December is the first day Darkki ever held me, the first time anyone ever held me. It was the day I realized how much I loved him, how much he really meant to me. Today was the day nothing mattered but what was happening in that Jeep. Today is just as special as tomorrow…

<3 L

Current Mood: Sickly

Alright, I’m starting to figure out some, stuff… I managed to upload a few themes. I think Lucian will known why I picked the ones I did. I really don’t mind what the theme ends up as, although the current color scheme isn’t my favorite. It was the first one I found with a butterfly that was “widget aware”. I couldn’t figure out why the other two wouldn’t let me change stuff on the sidebar till I did some more reading. I installed a mood plug-in cause I noticed Lucian used hers a lot before, but umm… I haven’t got it to work yet. Oh wait, there it is, I just had to scroll down. I’m still getting used to this. This is one of those times I feel old and Lucian is like the teenage kid with the VCR, if that makes sense. I’m sure she’ll have this thing all figured out long before I do.

Well, I’ve got this thing up and running, with lots of help from Alex D. He did the FTP load for me since I couldn’t get on to the server with a connection faster than drag ass. So once he got it up I took care of the rest. Thanks to Wordpress, it wasn’t much work at all after it was on the server. Now it’s up and running. I’m sure Lucian will make it more homely and stuff and figure everything out. I’ve never used a blog before so this is all new to me.

Peace Out
Darkki

Currently I have been suffering from stress sickness to the point I called out of work today and missed school on Wednesday. However, I just finished the source of my stress, my two Chem lab reports, which I now feel better. I will be editting them in class tomorrow and then I am completely done. One less stress for me.